Thursday, June 29, 2017

Korean tourist falls to his death in Thailand

(A Korean tourist falls to his death in Thailand.)

Yesterday, I had beef and French fries for dinner. The meal was wonderful. The juice from the meat ran down my fat chin, and the fries were salty and covered in ketchup. My wife's a great cook. She's a regular Asian Martha Stewart. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I read the news from China. A housekeeper from Hangzhou named Mo Huanjing has a terrible gambling addiction. She borrowed $14,000 from her employer, telling the woman that she was using the cash to buy a house. She blew it all on internet slot-machines. Mo then set her employer's apartment on fire in order to avoid paying the debt. Her selfish act killed four people, including three young children. China knows how to deal with people like Mo. She won't be on this earth much longer. Here's the link.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's nice to eat beef in the comfort of my own home. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They spend their days being hounded by headhunters in the deep dark jungle. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in New Guinea.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamt that President Trump was giving an internet interview to Dick Gregory. I called the show and told Donald that his son had died. He promptly fired me from his staff.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A Korean tourist aged 40 flew to Pattaya, Thailand on June 20. He was supposed to meet his wife later in the month. He got drunk and fell out the window of his condominium. His room was on the 37th floor. His body was discovered next to the pool. The powers-that-be are currently investigating the accident. Here's the link. 

I turned on Fox News. Lawmakers erected a six foot statue of the 10 Commandments on the lawn of the Arkansas State Capitol. An angry atheist ran into the monument with his Dodge Dart. The work of art was quickly reduced to little pieces of gravel strewn across the grass. The vandal was promptly apprehended by the proper authorities. He faces a very large fine and possible jail time.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everyone.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

SHOCKING: Students caught masturbating in front of female teacher

(Eight naughty boys were caught masturbating in class.)

Yesterday, I had chicken soup for dinner. The poultry came in a broth filled with rice and ginseng. The meal was quite delicious. My wife's a great cook. She's a regular Asian Martha Stewart. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff. A good time was had by all.

I turned on CNN. Pastor Rowland Foster is from Pennsylvania. He doesn't believe in modern medicine, placing his trust in faith healing instead. Unfortunately, Pastor Foster's two-year-old granddaughter came down with pneumonia. He refused to bring her to a doctor, and the young girl died from her ailment. The man is now facing criminal charges for neglect. If I were king of the world, I'd cut this geezer's ears off with a meat-cleaver. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty misanthrope. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to drink coke and eat chicken in the comfort of my own apartment. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They spend their days feasting on monkey brains in the deep dark jungle. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Tanzania.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Eight middle school boys got busted for masturbating in front of their female teacher. The crime occurred in the city of Daejeon. Thankfully, the victim will no longer be required to instruct these naughty pupils. The students were forced to take five days of sexual education classes before returning to school. This case is currently the talk of the entire peninsula. Most Koreans believe that the punishment was far too lenient. Here's the link.

I turned on Fox News. Republicans are having a tough time passing the new healthcare bill. The republican plan truly sucks ass, but Obamacare is no work of genius, either. I'm one of the rare Christian conservatives who believes in a single-payer system. Americans have been held hostage long enough. It's time to expand Medicaid in order to get everybody covered. The rich can still see their doctors of choice. But the rest of us poverty-stricken swinging dicks need relief.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Elderly man stabs Vietnamese daughter-in-law to death

(An elderly Korean man commits a senseless murder.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a restaurant for dinner. We had spicy chicken served on a bed of glass noodles. The food was OK, but the amount was quite small compared to the money we paid. But I kept my mouth shut. Why rock the boat? I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. I got quite drunk. A good time was had by all.

I turned on CNN. Six black teenagers from Florida robbed a man's house. They stole his Porsche and took $200,000 from his safe. The money was the man's life savings. They blew all that cash on jewelry, video games, and gold teeth. The teenagers were eventually apprehended by the powers-that-be and will spend the next several years in a juvenile detention center. If I were king of the world, I'd have these boys savagely caned in the public square. Then I'd cut off their hands with a rusty hatchet. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty atheist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to eat chicken and get drunk with my family. I love talking crap with my boys. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They were born in countries where drinking alcohol is considered an ungodly crime. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Yemen.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had a strange dream. I was lying down with an old man who had a large gray beard. A mountain lion was sleeping at our feet. I borrowed his pistol to kill the beast, but it didn't fire when I pulled the trigger. I nearly shit my pants with fear.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. An 83-year-old man from Seoul killed his daughter-in-law with a knife. He stabbed the unfortunate woman in the neck and back as she slept. She eventually bled out. The reason? He felt that she didn't treat him with the proper respect. Lots of foreign ladies are brought to this country for marriage, and the amount of abuse they are often forced to endure is truly a sin. I truly hope that Gramps dies in prison. He should never again see the light of day. Here's the link.

I turned on Fox News. The United States Supreme Court says that Trump's travel ban is constitutional. The final result is a no-brainer. The president has a right to keep potentially dangerous people out of the country. Here's the thing with the loony left. They honestly believe that Trump is the next Hitler. So they do anything in their power to put roadblocks in front of the guy--even if those roadblocks are against the American Constitution. They feel in their fevered brains that they are saving the population from themselves.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Protesters chant 'hire Koreans over foreigners' in Seoul rally

(There was another protest in Seoul.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a restaurant for dinner. We enjoyed a beef buffet at a local eatery. The price was eighteen dollars per person. I'm a broke dead dick, so I usually don't go to these types of places. But sometimes a man has to splurge. The food was quite delicious. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. A good time was had by all.

I turned on CNN. A 37-year-old junkie broke into his dad's house on Father's Day. He needed money to feed his addiction. Therefore, he hit the old man on the head with a baseball bat and then proceeded to rob him. Unfortunately, the geezer died from his injuries. His corpse was eventually found by another family member. If I were king of the world, I'd have this criminal drawn and quartered. Patricide is an unforgivable crime. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, eating beef at a restaurant with my children is a wonderful event. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They live in countries where cows are considered holy. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in India.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 9 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Six thousand construction workers marched in Seoul, claiming that foreign workers are taking their jobs. And they're absolutely right. According to the law, only 70,000 immigrants should be granted visas in the construction industry. However, 300,000 are currently residing on the peninsula. These workers also depress the wages of their Korean counterparts. These poor guys haven't had a raise in nearly twenty years. Here's the link.

I turned on Fox News. The state of Illinois is now forcing pro-life doctors to perform abortions. If they refuse to murder innocent children, they could face stiff fines and reprimands. This law isn't going to cut the mustard in my great nation. It will eventually be overturned. Doctors have the right to follow their conscience. Abortion not only kills babies, but it also damages the mothers who go through with the procedure. They often spend the rest of their lives stewing in their own guilt.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Father of five falls to death in 'rope cutting' murder

(A painter from Seoul falls to his death.)

Yesterday, I made fried chicken for dinner. I cooked the meal using ample amounts of both salt and grease. The bird came out all hot and crisp and delicious. I'm real handy around the kitchen. Love is my main ingredient. Perhaps I'm half-a-fag. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. I also drank a large cup of beer. I had a great time.

I turned on CNN. A woman from California named Kimberly Felder thought her 11-year-old daughter was possessed by the devil. So she took the child to the beach and filled her mouth with sand. After that, she began beating the girl in the head with a piece of driftwood. Luckily, a passerby stopped the assault and called the police. If I were king of the world, I'd tie a millstone around this loon's head and throw her into the ocean.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to eat poultry while relaxing in my living room. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They spend their days picking food out of dumpsters in order to keep from starving. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Venezuela.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didnt' dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A drunk man from Seoul was lounging in his apartment. He then saw a painter outside of his window. The workman was listening to music on a smart phone. The drunk told the painter to turn down the volume. The painter refused. In a fit of rage, the man walked to the roof and cut the painter's rope. The poor guy fell 30 meters to his death. He had five children. Here's the link.

I watched CNN. Bill Cosby's trial resulted in a hung jury. I have a sneaky suspicion that the result was racial. The two black jurors simply couldn't put the former Dr. Huxtible in prison even though he's a dirty rapist. Oh well. These things happen. I just feel sorry for all the ladies who were drugged and buggered by this deeply disturbed human being.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Man fined for child pornography-related crime

(A Korean man got nabbed for child pornography.)

Yesterday, I had spicy pork and rice for dinner. I didn't like the meal very much. I'm not a huge fan of Korean traditional hot sauce. But I didn't complain. I just smiled and ate my vittles like the village retard. I'm wonderful that way. The glass is always half-full at my humble abode. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched CNN. Leland Foster drove to his estranged wife's house in rural Oklahoma. He dragged her and his twin children into the bathroom. He tried to drown the infants in the bathtub. A brave twelve-year-old girl ran to a neighbor named Cash Freeman for help. Cash brought his pistol to the scene of the crime and proceeded to blow Mr. Foster's head clean off. The twins are doing fine. I'm a strong supporter of the Second Amendment. In fact, if I were king of the world, I'd force all of my loyal subjects to own a gun. Those who refused would be flogged in public. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to view television in the comfort of my warm apartment. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They spend their days living in huts without electricity. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in rural India.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 9 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A man from Seoul was caught uploading child pornography to the internet. Some of the victims were in elementary school. This asshole was fined $4,500 dollars for this horrendous crime. Child pornography is viewed mainly as a mental health issue here on the peninsula. Violators are often given a free pass. Here's the link.

I turned on Fox News. A bunch of black students took over the administration offices at Evergreen College in the state of Washington. They wanted a day without white people. They demanded that whitey leave campus for a 24-hour period. Most of the libtards agreed to this crazy demand. However, one brave professor told them to go take a flying screw at a rolling donut. The leaders of this ridiculous protest are currently trying to get the guy fired.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Cheers.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Markets banned from selling raw chickens amid bird flu fear

(Raw poultry is not being sold in supermarkets.)

Yesterday, I had pork ribs for dinner. The meat was covered in tangy barbecue sauce. My wife is a wonderful cook. I stuffed my face as if it were my last day on earth. I ate so much that I thought my stomach might explode. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff. A wonderful time was had by all.

I watched CNN. A ninety-year-old man was pushing a shopping cart down the sidewalk in Manhattan. The old geezer was minding his own business and enjoying the sunshine. Suddenly, a young punk hit him on the side of the head with a wooden cane. The poor guy went crashing to the ground. Gramps is currently in the hospital recovering from his injuries. The doctors think that he will live. Meanwhile, the teen offender was caught and carted off to prison. If I were king of the world, I'd have this villain flogged and fed to the lions. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty misanthrope. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to eat pork in the comfort of my own home. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They worship a false prophet who forbids them from consuming pigs. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Yemen.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Avian flu was detected in chickens from Jeju Island. Now Korean supermarkets are banned from selling raw poultry. The powers-that-be fear that the flu bug might spread to humans. I've suffered from avian influenza in the past. A miracle drug called Tami-flu cured me in just a matter of two days. Here's the link.

I turned on CNBC. John Kerry spoke about the terror attacks in Europe. He blamed the murders on lack of Islamic assimilation. He believes that many Muslims feel so alienated by their host countries that they go on killing sprees. Mr. Kerry is a real horses ass. He's blaming the victims rather than the murderers. According to John, everything would just be fine if the Europeans would invite terrorists to their neighborhood barbecues. What a simpleton.  

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Cheers.