Saturday, July 30, 2016

Korean Beaches Are Covered in Garbage

(Korean beaches are filthy.)

Yesterday, I took my eldest son to Burger King. The rest of my family went to a vegetarian restaurant. We had Whoppers and French fries. The meal was delicious. All that starch sent me straight to the moon. I washed the vittles down with a large glass of genuine Coca-Cola. A good time was had by all.

I watched a stupid Adam Sandler movie. The Earth is invaded by video game characters from the 1980s. For instance, Pac Man attacks New York and eats everything in his way. However, the heroes--including the midget from Game of Thrones--chase him down with specially built automobiles designed to destroy the creature. My children laughed and laughed and laughed. They had a great time.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many gifts. For instance, I'm glad that my vacation's nearly over. Soon I'll be bat-shit crazy. If you ever decide to visit Taipei, go during the winter. This city's an oven in July.

I went to bed at 1 a.m. I dreamt about being back in high school. I kept missing math class. Nevertheless, I managed to pass the course.

I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I surfed the internet while enjoying a bathroom break. Beaches in Korea are covered in garbage. People go to the ocean to party and leave their trash when they're finished. But here's the real problem. There aren't any rubbish bins on the peninsula. I shit you not. So people leave their empty cans and bottles in the sand.

I turned on CNN. An actress named Constance Wu resents the fact that Matt Damon got the lead role in an Asian monster movie. She believes that the part should have went to a Chinese actor. Constance went on to say that the global film industry is racist, casting whitey as the savior of the universe. Sadly, the entire world hates white American men. But they can all take a flying screw at a rolling donut. Shove it up your ass, Constance Wu. Nobody cares what you and your liberal friends think.

(Constance Wu hates white men.)

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody.

Friday, July 29, 2016

Two Korean Petty Officers Were Caught Having Sex on a Battleship

(Alex Jones interviews Tucker Carlson.)

Yesterday, I went to a stir-fry restaurant that was right around the corner from my brother-in-law's apartment. Once again, the streets were overrun by lots of angry Chinese men on mopeds. Nevertheless, I managed to make it to the eatery without getting fatally smashed by a motorcycle. Good for me. 

My meal was prepared by a smiling toothy Asian wearing a tall thin paper hat. He served me fried beef and veggies on a metal bowl. The meal was great. Food in Taiwan rocks. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of Taiwan Beer. A good time was had by all.

I watched The Dark Night. I told my youngest son that I knew Batman back when he was just a boy. I also told him that I was the man who put The Penguin in jail. He believed every word of it. He's now convinced that the Caped Crusader is one of my best friends. Children are a lot of fun. However, things change when they become teenagers. Everything's a fight.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy communist. I thanked The Savior for his many gifts. My boys might never attend Harvard, but they seem happy and healthy. Plus I can occasionally afford to eat beef. Life could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Nigeria.

I went to bed at 11 p.m. I had a dream concerning my dead father. He told me to buy a Ford truck. He claimed that they last forever.

I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I surfed the internet while enjoying a bathroom break. Two petty officers in the Korean Navy were caught having sex on a battleship. The government likes to pretend that men and women can be around each other even in war. But here's the truth. If you put us together on a submarine or in a tank, we're going to find a way to copulate. It's simply human nature.

I turned on CNN. Today was the final day of the Democratic National Convention. Hillary delivered another stale speech. She painted Donald Trump as an ignorant racist. But that's all she has. Clinton's nothing more than a tool controlled by the global corporations. She's bad for the economy. She's bad for national defense. And she's even bad for race relations. So she has to keep spinning the narrative that Trump is evil. It's the only that way she can win.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody.