Saturday, July 30, 2016

Korean Beaches Are Covered in Garbage

(Korean beaches are filthy.)

Yesterday, I took my eldest son to Burger King. The rest of my family went to a vegetarian restaurant. We had Whoppers and French fries. The meal was delicious. All that starch sent me straight to the moon. I washed the vittles down with a large glass of genuine Coca-Cola. A good time was had by all.

I watched a stupid Adam Sandler movie. The Earth is invaded by video game characters from the 1980s. For instance, Pac Man attacks New York and eats everything in his way. However, the heroes--including the midget from Game of Thrones--chase him down with specially built automobiles designed to destroy the creature. My children laughed and laughed and laughed. They had a great time.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many gifts. For instance, I'm glad that my vacation's nearly over. Soon I'll be bat-shit crazy. If you ever decide to visit Taipei, go during the winter. This city's an oven in July.

I went to bed at 1 a.m. I dreamt about being back in high school. I kept missing math class. Nevertheless, I managed to pass the course.

I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I surfed the internet while enjoying a bathroom break. Beaches in Korea are covered in garbage. People go to the ocean to party and leave their trash when they're finished. But here's the real problem. There aren't any rubbish bins on the peninsula. I shit you not. So people leave their empty cans and bottles in the sand.

I turned on CNN. An actress named Constance Wu resents the fact that Matt Damon got the lead role in an Asian monster movie. She believes that the part should have went to a Chinese actor. Constance went on to say that the global film industry is racist, casting whitey as the savior of the universe. Sadly, the entire world hates white American men. But they can all take a flying screw at a rolling donut. Shove it up your ass, Constance Wu. Nobody cares what you and your liberal friends think.

(Constance Wu hates white men.)

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody.


  1. I tip my hat to you for braving the heat like that, Smith. I'm a heat wimp myself... my idea of an ideal summer vacation spot would be Norway, Iceland or Scotland.

    Agree with you about the Taiwanese beer. I've had some good ones. Cheers!

    1. Hi Eric.

      That place is an oven. It's good to be home.