Tuesday, August 16, 2016

The North Korean Government Wants Its Citizens to Eat More Dog

(Eating dog isn't pretty.)

Yesterday, I had lamb and rice for dinner. I'm not a huge fan of rice. The stuff comes with every meal. But I didn't complain. I just sat and ate my vittles with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I'm wonderful that way. I washed the food down with several large glasses of water. This heat's killing me. August has been downright brutal.

I watched the match between Manchester United and Bournemouth. The Reds defeated their opponents by the score of three to one. Juan Mata scored the first goal after he was given a gift by a Bournemouth defender. Rooney soon followed with a terrific hearder which he slipped inside the corner post. But the best performance of the night was turned in by Zlatan. He put the ball past the goalkeeper in the 70th minute from outside the box. Zlatan is electric. He's currently the most exciting player in all of Europe.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty misanthrope. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, lots of  people across the globe will never experience the joy of supporting Manchester United. They're too busy working to put food on the table. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Cambodia.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had another dream about defecating in the middle of Burger King. The customers were not amused. They threatened to call the police.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. North Korea is urging its citizens to consume more dog meat. The government claims that canine has more vitamins than beef or chicken. According to the experts, the best way to prepare a dog is to beat it to death. After this foul deed is accomplished, the skin should be removed before a blow-torch is applied to the flesh. Mmmm. Talk about delicious.

I turned on CNN. The New York Times reported that Trump's campaign manager, Paul Manafort, pocketed more than eleven million dollars from the Russian government. Supposedly, this was under-the-table cash, so the IRS is looking into the matter. I take everything that liberals say with a grain of salt. They tend to lie more than their conservative counterparts. Nevertheless, I'm not a big fan of Manafort. Donald never should have fired Corey Lewendowski. It was a huge mistake which is currently biting him in the ass.

(Paradise by the Dashboard Lights.)
Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Enjoy the song of the day.


  1. Your blog is fucking trash, literally do something useful and chug bleach with your "vittles" it'd be the first useful thing you've ever done in your life.

  2. Mr Smith,

    I disagree with Anonymous. Your blog is pitch perfect.

    Mr. Benge

    1. Thanks, Mr. Benge.

      I certainly appreciate the support.