Sunday, April 23, 2017

Comedy show apologizes for racist sketch

(Dressing up in blackface isn't a good idea.)

Yesterday, I made chicken for dinner. I cooked the poultry using ample amounts of salt and grease. The bird came out all hot and crisp and delicious. Chicken is my specialty. I'm wonderful in the kitchen. Perhaps I'm half a fag. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of Charm soju and a big glass of beer. A good time was had by all.

I watched the first episode of Fargo. This is already season three. Time really flies. A probation officer is dating one of his parolees. She's a hot little pistol. He tries to get his brother to pay for her engagement ring, but he refuses. So the probation officer sends a felon to steal a valuable stamp from his brother's house. This feeble-minded criminal goes to the wrong house and kills an innocent grandfather. Fargo comes with my highest recommendation.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to watch TV and eat chicken in the comfort of my own apartment. Unfortunately, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They live in malaria-infested jungles across the planet. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Chad.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamt I went on a trip to a shopping mall. I was with an older lady who loved to read books. I told her that I liked the novel Lolita. She called me disgusting.

I woke up at 9 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A Korean comedienne is in trouble for dressing up in blackface. She apologized to the entire peninsula for being a racist. Koreans are very nice to white people and other Koreans. But they pretty much hate everybody else on the planet. However, I don't judge. I'm a stranger in a strange land, so I like to swim in the shallow end of the pool when it comes to social issues. Here's the link.

I turned on CNN. Erin Moran died at the age of fifty-six. She used to play Joanie on the hit show Happy Days. Erin had fallen on hard times because of alcohol and drugs. She even got kicked out of her trailer park in Indiana due to her raucous behavior. Life is filled with endless ups and downs. It's best to remain humble.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Stop by my message board to say hello. Cheers.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Woman convicted of biting off tongue of man who demanded sex

(A Korean woman bites off a man's tongue.)

Yesterday, I made beef and French fries for dinner. I did a wonderful job. The meal was excellent. I especially liked the fries. They were hot and crisp and salty. I feel very comfortable in the kitchen. Perhaps I'm half-a-fag. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju and large cup of beer. A good time was had by all.

I watched another episode of The Shield. The new captain is very impressed with Vic's tough style. He gets results. What she fails to comprehend is that Vic is a psychopathic criminal who is leading two lives. Meanwhile, Shane is back on the strike team. Shane is also a psychopathic criminal who is leading two lives. The Shield is one of the best American shows in the history of television. It comes with my highest recommendation.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to eat beef in the comfort of my own apartment. Unfortunately, lots of people will never get to experience this type of joy. These poor bastards live in countries where cows are considered sacred. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in India.

I went to bed at 9 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A fifty-six-year-old woman was enjoying a cocktail at a bar in Seoul. She was approached by a man who found her attractive. He requested sex and French-kissed the woman against her will. She promptly bit off six centimeters of his tongue. Talk about a tough old bird. Here's the link.

I turned on CNN. Aaron Hernandez used to play football for the New England patriots. But he never gave up his gangland ways. He murdered three people while playing professional ball, shooting his victims in cold blood. He also shot two people in the head who managed to survive. One of them served as an eye-witness in Aaron's latest trial. Hernandez hanged himself in his jail cell with a bed sheet. He finally killed someone who actually deserved it.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Stop by my message board to say hello. Cheers.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Chinese man and foreigner in bloody Beijing subway brawl

(It's important to behave.)

Yesterday, I had pork and French fries for dinner. The meat was quite succulent. All the juice ran down my fat chin. Furthermore, the fries were great, too. They were hot and salty and delicious. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched a new show on AMC called The Son. I really liked it. The program starts in Texas with a family being annihilated by the Comanche Indians. The mother is raped and killed, and her daughter gets greased by a gunshot wound. To make matters worse, the eldest son goes crazy, and his Indian captors take him out with a tomahawk to the head. The youngest boy survives and turns into a wannabe oil baron. The Son comes with my highest recommendation. Only a lonely fag would miss this series.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to watch TV in the comfort of my own home. Unfortunately, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They spend their lives living in a dark hut because they have no electricity. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Djibouti.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A Chinese man and a foreigner got into a fight on the Beijing subway. The foreigner bloodied his adversaries nose. But the Chinese man got revenge by spitting his blood in the white man's face. Both men were eventually arrested by the Chinese authorities. If I were king of the world, I'd have both of these troublemakers caned mercilessly in the town square. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

I turned on CNN. The liberals want Donald Trump to show his tax returns to the world. But I'm not all hot and bothered about the situation. The IRS is the most powerful institution on the face of the earth. They regularly turn kings into paupers. And they aren't known as a bastion of conservatism. Trust me. If Big Don isn't right with his finances, they will throw him in prison lickety-split. My point? Trump hasn't broken any laws, and that's good enough for me.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. If you have some extra time, feel free to visit my message board to say hello. I'd love to hear from you. Cheers.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Gastric bypass surgery shatters Afghan woman's Korean dream

(Gastric bypass surgery is risky.)

Yesterday, I took my family to dinner at a local restaurant. We purchased four pork steaks and cooked them at the table. The meal was delicious. I'm a huge fan of pork. It's both cheap and delicious. I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. I became quite intoxicated. A good time was had by all.

I watched the UFC. The main fight of the evening featured Demetrious Johnson versus William Reis for the flyweight title. The match wasn't close. Demetrious is on another level from the fighters in his division. He controlled Reis easily for three rounds, cutting his opponent badly with many vicious elbows. The matt was stained crimson with William's blood. After that, he submitted Reis with an arm-bar. This marked the tenth defense of his title, tying the record held by Anderson Silva.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy pagan. I thanked The Savior his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's a ton of fun to watch the UFC in the comfort of my own home. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They live in grass huts and are forced to drink water tainted by malaria. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Malawi.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had another dream about defecating in Burger King. The customers looked on in horror as a dropped a steamer on the floor.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. An obese woman from Afghanistan is married to a naturalized Korean citizen. She went to the doctor to get a band placed on her stomach in order to lose weight. It turns out that she was pregnant at the time, and the procedure made it impossible for the fetus to get proper nutrition. Therefore, she was forced to have an abortion. She is now suing the hospital for emotional distress.

I turned on CNN. A large black guy from Ohio filmed himself on Facebook as he murdered an elderly man. The victim was also black. Furthermore, he admitted to committing many other homicides. The suspect is currently on the loose. He's considered armed and dangerous. If you see him, run as fast as your legs will carry you. This weirdo obviously has a few screws loose. If I were king of the world, I'd have him roasted alive in a giant barbecue pit. I'd even put an apple in his mouth. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Don't forget to visit my message board. Cheers.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Korean man assaults a pregnant nurse

(A Korean man assaulted a pregnant nurse in Seoul.)

Yesterday, I didn't eat supper. My wife went shopping with my youngest son. By the time they got back, I was fast asleep. But that's OK. I weigh nearly 250 pounds. That's 107 kilo grams for all you non-Americans. I should probably make a regular habit out of missing dinner from time to time.

I watched Korean baseball and drank beer. I consumed two large bottles of Hite. I became a little intoxicated if you want to know the truth. The SK Wyverns won another contest. They are now one game back of the 500 mark. The team is stacked from top to bottom with power hitters. They have a shot to win the championship. However, my money is on KIA.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty misanthrope. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to watch baseball and drink beer in the comfort of my own home. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They come from Islamic countries and are publicly flogged if caught sipping the joy juice. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Oman.

I went to bed at 8 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A Korean man from Seoul punched a pregnant nurse several times in the face. The man was unhappy because he had to wait to see a doctor. This idiot has a history of mental problems. Luckily, the unborn child is doing well. If I were kind of the world, I'd make this loon dig his own grave, and then I'd promptly shoot him right between the eyes. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

I turned on Fox News. North Korea unsuccessfully attempted to fire a missile. Some believe that the failure is directly attributed to American cyber-warfare. I wouldn't be surprised. President Trump is a breath of fresh air. I would call him Reagan-esque. Kim Jong-Un now has a target on his back. And his would-be assassins include the Chinese government. The fat little bastard isn't long for this world.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. If you have some free time, check out my message board. Cheers.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Woman caught stealing gold bracelets, hiding them in buttocks

(A woman from Seoul hides two bracelets in her anus.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a restaurant. We ate Han-oo beef. Han-oo beef comes from domestic cattle. It's extremely overpriced. I hate to waste my money on the stuff. Sadly, my wife likes it, so what's a boy to do? I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. A good time was had by all.

I watched baseball. The SK Wyverns battled the Hanwha Eagles. I cheer for the Wyverns because their manager is American. This is the first time in history that a man from my homeland has been placed in charge of a Korean baseball team. So what's not to like? The squad got off to a horrid start, dropping their first five games. But the ship has been righted, and they're currently winning games left and right. They won again last night.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to eat beef at a restaurant. Unfortunately, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They spend their days slaving away to put money in the pocket of their dictator. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in North Korea.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A 20-year-old woman from Seoul stole two bracelets from a department store and hid them up her ass. However, her theft was caught on CCTV. The cops arrived on the scene and strip-searched the young lady. She was booked and later released on her own recognizance. The thief says that she often has the urge to steal when she's experiencing her period. Go figure.

I turned on Fox News. Today is the birthday of Kim Sung-Il. Sung-Il was the first North Korean leader, so this celebration is a big deal. On this holiday, the North Korean powers-that-be usually test their nuclear capabilities. However, Donald Trump gave them a stern warning not to pull their usual bullshit. Our new president even threatened the hermit nation with a preemptive strike. North Korea backed down. That's what true leadership looks like. I couldn't be prouder.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Enjoy the song of the day.

(Take It Easy)

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Man jailed for hiring thugs to punish daughter's bullies

(A Korean father takes things a little too far.)

Yesterday, I had beef and Korean pancakes for dinner. The meal wasn't very good. My wife is capable of so much better. But I didn't complain. I just smiled and ate my food with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I'm wonderful that way. The glass is always half-full at my humble abode. I washed the vittles down with several cups of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched the pilot episode of Twin Peaks. The show first aired nearly thirty years ago. The corpse of seventeen-year-old Laura Palmer is discovered near the banks of a river. She's wrapped in plastic. Agent Cooper from the FBI is called to the scene in order to solve this tragic crime. Cooper loves pie. His favorite seems to be cherry. In fact, he raves about pie all the time. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Missing Twin Peaks should be punishable by death. It's that good. The series comes with my highest recommendation.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to watch television with a full stomach. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They're too busy feasting on scorpions and snakes along the banks of the Yangtze River. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in China.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A man in Ulsan was sentenced to a year in prison for assaulting his daughter's bullies. In fact, he hired six thugs to teach these mean girls a lesson. The thugs found them at school and dragged them out of their classrooms. Then they threatened to kill these young ladies with baseball bats. Dad obviously cares for his daughter. But he took it just a little too far.

I turned on Fox News. National Security Advisor Susan rice admitted that surveillance took place in Trump Tower. She also admitted to unmasking several American citizens who were caught up in the wiretapping. I'm not surprised. Ms. Rice is a very deceitful pig. In fact, she's the asshole who told us that Benghazi happened because of a YouTube video. If I were king of the world, I'd have this shameful whore tarred and feathered. It's a good thing that nobody listens to me.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Enjoy the song of the day.

(Neil Diamond)
   

Monday, April 3, 2017

Domestic violence traps migrant women

(Migrant wives are often victims of abuse.)

Yesterday, I had beef-fajitas for dinner. The meal was delicious. My wife is the beef-fajita queen. In fact, she's considered by many to be the Asian Martha Stewart. I washed the vittles down with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched several episodes of The Shield. It's one of the greatest shows in the history of American television. Dutch is on the heels of a serial killer. This sick bastard rapes elderly women and strangles them after getting his rocks off. The detective eventually arrests the villain but is fascinated by the man's sickness. To that end, Dutch ends the episode by strangling a stray cat in a misguided attempt to understand his adversary. The Shield comes with my highest recommendation.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to watch cop shows while lying in bed. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They're actually too poor to purchase beds. So they sleep on the floor and are often terrorized by snakes, scorpions, and mosquitoes. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in India.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Lots of Korean men in the countryside can't find women. Therefore, they are sometimes forced to import brides from various countries. Of course, the vast majority of these ladies can't speak Korean. This lack of communication combined with copious amounts of alcohol often leads to domestic violence. These women seldom call the police. They prefer to suffer in silence fearing that their visas might get revoked.

I turned on Fox News. The life expectancy of non-college educated whites is actually dropping. This demographic is dying-off like flies. Many are expiring from heroin abuse while others are drinking themselves to an early grave. Living standards for this group simply aren't what they used to be. Their jobs have been shipped to other countries, and now they spend their days working in the service sector. Globalism has been a disaster. Let's hope that President Trump can get us out of the shit.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long, and God bless everybody. Enjoy the song of the day. 

(Ozzy)

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Woman dead after drinking 60 bottles of soju with friend

(A woman drinks herself to death on soju.)

Yesterday, my wife made pork and French fries for dinner. The meat was quite succulent. The drippings slid down my fat chin. Furthermore,  the fries were crisp and salty--just the way I like them. I slaked my thirst with several glasses of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

I watched an episode of Supernatural. Mary Winchester is back from the dead. She's now helping the British Men of Letters. Dean is beside himself with anger. He throws his very own mother right out of his house. Meanwhile, Sam follows Mary to her new digs. Unbeknownst to them, they're being hunted by a nest of vampires. Sam kills the alpha with his magical Colt revolver. Supernatural is a lot of fun. It comes with my highest recommendation.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty pagan. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to munch on pork while sitting on a comfortable sofa. Sadly, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They're so poor that they wipe their asses with their bare hands. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Laos.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 7 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Two Koreans met each other at a clinic for recovering alcoholics. They hit it off romantically. After that, they rented a cheap motel and made a pact to drink themselves to death. They consumed over sixty bottles of soju in ten days. The woman died, but the man is still alive. Addiction is a sad tale.

I turned on Fox News. A fifteen-year-old black girl was murdered by a group of illegal aliens. The suspects belong to a gang called MS-13. These criminals are notorious for their violent ways. America is turning into a third-world cesspool. The public schools are shit. The healthcare is atrocious. And the cities are more violent than Baghdad. I just hope that President Trump can work a miracle with the help of Jesus--because it's going to take divine intervention to set things right.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Enjoy the song of the day.

(The Beach Boys)