Saturday, April 15, 2017

Woman caught stealing gold bracelets, hiding them in buttocks

(A woman from Seoul hides two bracelets in her anus.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a restaurant. We ate Han-oo beef. Han-oo beef comes from domestic cattle. It's extremely overpriced. I hate to waste my money on the stuff. Sadly, my wife likes it, so what's a boy to do? I washed the vittles down with two bottles of soju. A good time was had by all.

I watched baseball. The SK Wyverns battled the Hanwha Eagles. I cheer for the Wyverns because their manager is American. This is the first time in history that a man from my homeland has been placed in charge of a Korean baseball team. So what's not to like? The squad got off to a horrid start, dropping their first five games. But the ship has been righted, and they're currently winning games left and right. They won again last night.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, it's fun to eat beef at a restaurant. Unfortunately, lots of people will never experience this type of joy. They spend their days slaving away to put money in the pocket of their dictator. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in North Korea.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 10 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A 20-year-old woman from Seoul stole two bracelets from a department store and hid them up her ass. However, her theft was caught on CCTV. The cops arrived on the scene and strip-searched the young lady. She was booked and later released on her own recognizance. The thief says that she often has the urge to steal when she's experiencing her period. Go figure.

I turned on Fox News. Today is the birthday of Kim Sung-Il. Sung-Il was the first North Korean leader, so this celebration is a big deal. On this holiday, the North Korean powers-that-be usually test their nuclear capabilities. However, Donald Trump gave them a stern warning not to pull their usual bullshit. Our new president even threatened the hermit nation with a preemptive strike. North Korea backed down. That's what true leadership looks like. I couldn't be prouder.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody. Enjoy the song of the day.

(Take It Easy)

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