Saturday, July 1, 2017

The psychology of public masturbation

(Too many people are masturbating in public.)

Yesterday, I took my family to a restaurant. This particular establishment features an all-you-can-eat pork barbecue. All of the side dishes are included, too. Onions. Chinese mushrooms. Kimchi. The food was excellent. I stuffed myself like a pig, and the juice from the meat dripped down my fat chin. I drank two bottles of soju and a large bottle of beer with the vittles. I got quite drunk. A good time was had by all.

I read some Chinese news. A taxi driver from Dalian picked up four college girls looking for a ride into town. They fell asleep on the journey. The cabbie proceeded to use his cellphone to take dirty pictures and videos of the young women. He also stands accused of feeling them up. The victims refused to pay for the trip and reported this pervert to the proper authorities. This story is big news on the mainland. Here's the link.

I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some filthy atheist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings upon my life. For instance, I've never been sexually assaulted by a horny cab driver. That's certainly a plus. Furthermore, it's nice to eat meat from time to time. Sadly, lot's of people will never experience this type of joy. They spend their days picking through the trash in order to find their next meal. Things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Djibouti.

I went to bed at 10 p.m. I dreamt that my wife got into a car accident. She could no longer speak. I'm not sure if I was happy or sad.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. Several Koreans have been apprehended for public masturbation over the last few years. Two were police officers, one was a professional baseball player, and another was a powerful attorney from the island of Jeju. Experts are blaming this epidemic on porn. They claim that men are simply having too many sexual fantasies because of the internet. Here's the link.

I turned on Fox News. Tucker Carlson spoke about a dog festival in mainland China. More than 10,000 canines were slaughtered so that Chinese men could eat the meat and have better erections. Mr. Carlson was outraged. He called the festival barbaric. His major beef with the celebration is that the dogs were tortured before being killed. I stay out of the dog meat debate. Different strokes for different folks.

Anyway, my quiver is empty. So long for now, and God bless everybody.


  1. Mr. Smith, you're a smart man to stay out of the dog meat debate. Once upon a time, a very wise man told the internets that life's better when you don't get involved with "Mongol bullshit".

    1. Hi Takeshima.

      The man you speak of sounds absolutely brilliant.